I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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