i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
