look no pants
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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