Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if only i could text you this smell
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
