I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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