He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
