rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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