Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
