Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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