Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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