Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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