Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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