The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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