I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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