I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
