what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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