Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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