I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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