Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
