i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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