I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
