At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
