Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
