HIV tests are more positive than that guy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
