Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
