Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
