I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
