I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
God, I missed his penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
