So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
