I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
