im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
