Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
