Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
