Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
