She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
