i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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