Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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