She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
