Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you didnt know i had herpes?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
