Can i not drive my cunt home
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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