I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
