So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
