in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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