I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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