I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
