I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
