I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
