so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
