my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
