there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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