What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
