our cab driver is having phone sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He better not be in your backpack
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
