Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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