I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The Olympian is in my bed
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