literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
