If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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