So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
